“You know I’m back like I never left
Another sprint, another step
Another day, another breath
Been chasing dreams, but I never slept
I got a new attitude and a lease on life”
-Macklemore, Glorious
Making this comeback to elite sport was a decision I made a few months ago. It was weighing at the back of my mind throughout the year 2023 but I gave myself a hundred reasons/excuses why I should not do it, one of them, believe it or not, was that I am too old for this. I remembered making a commitment to give myself a few weeks to “try” it out- whatever that meant. When things got hard, and I was not enjoying it anymore, I threw in the towel and told myself that this is not for me. This high-performance thing is not for me.
Wait, what?
Why did I allow myself to say things like that? I must admit that the internet played a role in incessantly reminding me to trust my gut feeling or listen to myself. But I’ve learnt that this is TERRIBLE advice. I recall capsizing in my first ever single scull race way back in 2005 when I told myself that I will never get in the boat ever again. Did I listen to myself? Obviously not because I got back on the boat the next day and the rest is history. If I had listened to myself, I would not have been an Olympian.
On the contrary, sometimes it is good to listen to ourselves because that means focusing inwards and being compassionate to ourselves which is what we need to do more of.
So, which one is it? To listen to ourselves or not?
I have realised that the best way to approach this conundrum is to talk to ourselves. Ask ourselves questions. Challenge our thoughts. I have discovered that sharing these thoughts with someone you trust can be beneficial in helping you gain a different perspective.
And that was EXACTLY how this crazy adventure started. I was casually sharing my reason for not giving the Paris Olympic Games a try to a group of fellow Olympians. I told them that I did not want to be back in the same spot where I was after Rio happened. One of them said, “but you won’t be back in the same spot. You’re a different person- you are married, you have a full-time job that you love, you have a totally different life now than in 2016.”
That hit me hard.
I have been giving myself a hundred and one reasons why I should not be committing to an Olympic goal-
I don’t want to be back in the same spot as before.
I have a different focus in my life right now.
I am too old for this.
Training is not fun. The journey needs to be fun.
This is not for me.
Instead of listening to myself, I should have talked to myself more.
It took me 2 weeks to make the decision if I should train full-time or not. On top of all the reasons/excuses I already had, committing to a full-time training program would require the involvement and cooperation of various groups of people to make this happen. In all honesty, I was so afraid to make such a big decision that would very likely change the direction of my life. However, once a decision was made, I was all-in. There was no turning back.
So here I am, in the thick of it all, out here in Sydney, on my campaign to Paris. Committing to full-time training again after an 8 year hiatus from high-intensity training has been extremely challenging physically and mentally, but I’ll keep that for next time.
For today, I am just thankful that I stopped listening to myself give excuses and finally made a decision. Yoda is right all along, “Do, or do not. There is no try.”
#lfg